i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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