just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
