I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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