She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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