Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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