oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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