all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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