Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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