Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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