I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
