I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
