I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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