Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
