Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
