You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
