she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
