he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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