Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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