I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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