The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
