i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
