I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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