there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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