If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
