thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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