If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
