She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
