i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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