and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
