my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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