So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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