Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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