he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
