chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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