I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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