My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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