bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
