the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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