margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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