So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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