Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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