I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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