Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you never un-have a 4some
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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