After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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