I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
