Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
third nipple confirmed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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