not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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