The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
