My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
