Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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