I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
