and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I party with great urgency now.
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