I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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