Im at strip club and am horny
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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