he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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