i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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