Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
