I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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