Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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