i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
