So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Enjoy the penises
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
