the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's the barista slut.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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