I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
