i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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