White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
