OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
