I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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