An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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