I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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