You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
May the power of my ass compel you!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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