It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
