I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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