Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.