Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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