My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.