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Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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