I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
