She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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