Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
